Saturday, September 10, 2005

Halliburton Is Hiring!

I heard it on a Butte radio station on my way home yesterday then I was passed by a white pickup with blue lettered doors that said


We don't give up

I kid you not.


I've been a little bit disconnected lately; does anybody care to fill me in on the highlights of Deranged Donny's three day 9-11 celebration?

How is it going?

It really would be a shame to see all our money wasted because nobody noticed the festivities.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

When the Chips Are Down

Survivors need flyers, but first a few words from our sponsors

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. --That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

Back to our main story, the most worthy not quite lawyer, FEMA head Brown, is doing a bang up job down there.

Lundy and Calhoun said they don't want to bash FEMA or its mission, Rogers reported. They said they only want to help, and that there were plenty of other firefighters in the room who felt the same way.

"There was almost a fight," said Portage Assistant Fire Chief Joe Calhoun. "There was probably 700 firefighters sitting in the room getting this training, and it dawned on them what we were going to be doing. And then it got bad from there."

Lundy and Calhoun's first task was an eight-hour course on sexual harassment and equal opportunity employment procedures, Rogers reported. Neither firefighter would be involved in technical rescues of trapped people or any of their other specialties.

"We're trained in tactical medicine," Lundy said. "We weren't being used for that. We were being used to hand out flyers."

Their boss, Portage Fire Chief Tim Sosby, said he was only too happy to loan out his two men, but thinks they were right to come back home.

"It seemed like an incredible misuse of valuable resources," Sosby said.

The two didn't come home right away. They waited 24 hours, hoping their real skills might be used, not only did their assignment never change, they were never told to go anywhere, Rogers reported.

"We couldn't see ourselves sitting in the hotel while there were people asking for help," Lundy said.

For now, the two firefighters are back home, but said they are still anxious to help.

"I think both of us would go back in a heartbeat," Lundy said. "Both of us still have our bags packed."

The Straightjacket Road Show

Good end-times Ladies and Gentlemen and thank-you for all the cards and letters wishing me a speedy recovery. I will respond to each one of those wishes as soon as Homeland Insecurity decides that it is once again safe for Halliburton to sell my crayolas back to me.

What did I miss while I was gone? Katrina Katrina Katrina.

It's my understanding that the most vulnerable citizens who were left behind without food and water for days on end and were not allowed out while those bringing food and water to them were not allowed to do so, except three crazy Hyundai sharing college students who snuck in and out a couple of times to evacuate people.

Who was allowed to go in and out ? Joe Allbaugh.


I have learned that our "free press" is not allowed in the disaster recovery area to photograph or report on the disaster recovery and some of the duties of the free press in America during the Imperial Bush Presidency.

Graciously thank Laura Bush for her fried catfish and bathtub cheese with fawning shots of her bonding with all seven refugees at the Cajundome, gush and get jello knees about how what a hot military costumed stud the Mission Accomplished President and his army of PR agents can do with a couple million dollars and the right props.


Thank-you Ladies and Gentlemen, it's been my pleasure to entertain you here! Tomorrow the padded wagon is scheduled to make sporadic more or less Westerly stops to do sight gags of gleeful genocide, bloated body noises, drowning doggies and everybodys favorite joke "dying to be saved".

Catch the next show because there is nothing funnier than thousands of innocent Americans dying and rotting in the streets while Karl Rove writes and rewrites the script for the Blame Game!