Thursday, March 16, 2006

My In Box

From my good buddy, a sexist Republican in a blood red state

Subject: Letter from Dave

Please be aware that as your wives age, it is harder for them to maintain
The same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger.

When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive and
There is nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Dave. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife,
Martha. When I was laid off from my consulting job and took early
Retirement in April, it became necessary for Martha to get a full-time job,
Both for extra income and for the health insurance benefits we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her
Age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets
Home from work, and although she knows how hungry I am, she rests an hour
Or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to
Take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I
Generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not
Reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now, it's not
Unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do
What I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that
They won't clean themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem
To motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed. I really think my
Old business as a consultant helps a lot. Telling people what they ought to
Do is one of my strong points.

Also, now that she has gotten older, she does seem to get tired so much
More quickly. Our washer and dryer are in the basement, and sometimes she
Says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big
Iss ue of this, just as long as she finishes up the laundry the next
Evening. I'm willing to overlook her shortcomings in this area. Unless I
Need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting, or to the
Wednesday and Saturday poker club, or to Tuesday's and Thursday's bowling,
I'll tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing.

This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends like
Shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting. If I had a really bad day on the
Course and it was wet and muddy, and my clubs are a mess, I let her clean
Them, you know, getting the grit off the grips and a little light Brillo on
The club faces. Since my golf bag is heavy, I lift it out of the trunk for
Her. Women are delicate, have weak wrists and can't lift heavy stuff as
Good as men. But I had to tell her that I don't like to be wakened during
My after-golf nap, so rather than bother me, she can put them back in the
Trunk when she's finished.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say
That it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during
Her lunch hour. But boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile
And offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even
Three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her
That missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you
Know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.
She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I
Try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice,
Big, cold glass of fresh squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And,
As long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me
Too, and then take her break by my hammock. That way we can talk until I
Fall asleep.

I know that I pro bably look like a saint in the way I support Martha, but
I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will
Find it difficult, some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I
Do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you
Just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because
Of this letter, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile.
After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.




Dave died suddenly Thursday, May 19th. He was found with a Calloway extra
long 50-inch Big Bertha Golf Driver rammed up his rectum with only two
inches of grip showing. His wife Martha was arrested, but after the jury
read this letter, they accepted her defense that he accidentally sat on it.

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