Tuesday, March 14, 2006

History Of The World

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated

the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and

red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and

healthy lives.

Then using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream

and Krispy Crème Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with

that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at

it, add some sprinkles." And they gained 10 pounds. And Satan smiled.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure

that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the

wheat, and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from

size 6 to size 14.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."

And Satan presented Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and

garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts

following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil

in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and

chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained

more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.

God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food

Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and

named it "Devil's Food."

God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose

those extra pounds.

And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so Man would not have to

toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before

the flickering blue light and gained pounds.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming

with nutrition.

And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center

into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and

still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald's and its 99-cent double cheeseburger.

Then said, "You want fries with that?" And Man replied, "Yes! And

super size them!" And Satan said, "It is good."

And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

Then Satan created HMOs.

Thought for the day ....... There is more money being spent on breast

implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means

that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky

boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do

with them.

(update-I did not write this and I apologize for any confusion anybody may have had about this. Resume laughing.)

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