Social Security lemon crisis

There I was just minding my own business when a car dealer dragged me onto his lot to tell me about my problem. He said I a new car because my tires are going to stop retaining Air in thirteen years. One salesman after another came out to explain the danger of driving on tires that will start to wear a little bit in thirteen years!

Urgent!

They keep calling to remind me how bad my problem is and that I need to buy their car today! The radio tells me every half hour that I need to buy a new car because my tires might not hold ALL their air forever! Time is running out!

"You must buy one of our new cars now! Today! In thirty-eight or fourty-eight years you may lose 20 to 24% of the air in those tires! Hurry! Buy! Time is running out!

We told you to do this four years ago before we spent your money and now it's all gone so you have to buy NOW! We want to fix your problems so that your grandchildren will have tires!

There is no more money so you should buy our car with a payday loan! Hurry up and buy this car! (before you realize that it will cost an extra three trillion dollars upfront!) You must buy this car right now! We'll just borrow the money out of the highway funds--your grandchildren need the tires that come on our cars! We will fix this for all time!

You can trust us! Would we lied to you?

That was only sixteen words and it wasn't our fault 911! We told you that if sanctions were lifted, Evil Dictator could have WMD's in a decade LESBIAN ALERT!

Iraq is a budding democracy that needs us to stay there for twenty or thirty years LESBIAN ALERT!

In twelve years and three hundred sixty four days your tires won't be able to hold all their air! Only twenty -five or thirty five years after that your tires could be 24% low!

Buy our car today! Better to borrow three trillion dollars from the payday loan and stop maintaining the roads than to let somebody else take care of you like we always do.

Sign! No time to read the contract. Only twelve years, three hundred sixty-three days, twenty three hours and fifty nine minutes left! Aren't you afraid?
Twelve years, three hundred sixty-three days, fifty eight minutes and fifty-nine seconds!"

"You need our final final solution!"