Friday, March 25, 2005

"My brilliant, witty and unbearably sexy friend …"

Reason Gone Mad understands that the 'nuclear option' will not be enough to satisfy the Congressional Republicans, so he drafted are 14 new rules to make them feel a little less victimized, I am sharing the first two:

To: All Senators
From: Republican Leadership
Re: New Senate Rules

1. When Senate Democrats arrive for work, they must first gather outside the Republican cloakroom, arrange themselves in height order, and allow arriving GOP senators to smack them in the back of the head.

2. Prior to the start of the Senate's morning business, Democratic senators shall provide bagels, coffee and doughnut holes for their Republican colleagues.

I'm not so sure the new rules alone would help the Republicans cope with the pressures of ruling the world with a one party state, so I have decided to be helpful and offer some additional rules they would like to have:
  • Any Rebublican Contributor may parade any Senate Democrat around naked on a leash after Church on Sundays.
  • Any right wing talk show host may dissolve any marriage of any person on the continent anytime they want.
  • House Republicans are allowed to kidnap and humiliate any minor children of any Democratic Housemember until they sing 'Kumbya' forwards and backwards in perfect tune while blindfolded.
  • Any citizen of America who does not sufficiently praise the environmental policies of George W. Bush must eat mercury filled glass thermometers while vicious Rottweilers are poised to attack.
  • Brown people who are caught attempting to vote will have their neighborhoods bombed and razed to the ground.
  • All medical decisions for the Proles will henceforth be made by gun wielding anti abortionists.

I confess to being a disorganized and undisciplined Democrat cum blogger who did not read everything Dave told me to read until today. That explains why I didn't know about Important Changes to Your Citizenship Agreement No hard feelings, okay?


Blogger Gordon said...

I stole this for The Alternate Brain. Please consider this a Big Wet One on your unbearably sexy cheek.

2:40 PM  
Blogger granny said...

Thanks sweetie!

2:55 PM  
Blogger The Heretik said...

Damn, can only one steal happen here? Oy, granny, I wish I had it. Like you got it . Cuz you got it. Good.

6:06 PM  
Blogger granny said...

I submit to your sublime brand of naughtiness anytime Heretic!

12:35 AM  

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